FICTION: 5.1 Earthquake Kicks Los Angelenos’ Asses

(Bing Maps)

(Bing Maps)

A 5.1 magnitude earthquake based in La Habra rocked SoCal residents’ worlds late Friday night.

The enormous 5.1’er was just one of a swarm of earthquakes rattling Southern California – the first being a 3.6 shaker that struck at 8:03 p.m., followed by two aftershocks in the 3-range.

Martina Levitts of West Covina looked death in the face when the earthquake hit.

“My motherly instincts just kicked in,” sobbed Levitts who was minding her own business in the living room of her 2-bedroom apartment. “My kitten was so scared that she plopped to the floor. And when [the earthquake] really got violent, I knew what I had to do.”

The 45-year-old quickly threw herself over a case of Budweiser.

“I just knew that if it had to be between me and the beer, it was going to be me,” Levitts said.

A little bit up the San Gabriel Valleys, Nicholas Perez, a philosophy student at Pasadena City College, was nursing Natividad Juarez back to health.

“As soon as it struck, the ceiling gave in,” Perez recalled as he bandaged Juarez’s forehead. “A speck of asbestos hit her in the forehead and she fainted.”

He recalls the terror and mayhem in the classroom.

“People were just everywhere,” Perez said, noting that all 4 of his classmates and his instructor filed out of the classroom and reported in front of the U-Building, where three other classes awaited. Outside, students began contacting their loved ones, hoping that they too survived the violent quake.

(Pictured: PCC students at a bar nearby, contacting family members)

Pictured: PCC students at a bar nearby, contacting family members.

Reporters caught up with Tamina Brown outside her home in Pomona as she sifted through the wreckage of her still-standing home.

“My children were just crying,” Brown said, delivering a smack to the forearms of KayCee, her 4-year-old. “They. Just. Wouldn’t. Stop,” she said in between smacks.

“Kyle, if you don’t get off them people’s lawn!”

Meanwhile, West Hollywood club-goers were more than stunned at the earthquake, with some of the city’s most popular bars and clubs ceasing operation.

“And then the bass dropped!” yelled Vang Phong. “If you think the earth’s rolling, you’re wrong, man!”

West Hollywood party-goers confused as to evacuate because of the earthquake or to dance to Earthquake (Avicii Remix).

West Hollywood party-goers were confused as to whether they should evacuate because of the earthquake or to dance to Earthquake (Avicii Remix).

Seismologist Kathleen Williams says that the 5.1 magnitude earthquake could be a sign of what’s to come.

“We’re expecting the big one to hit soon,” Williams said. “Based on the pattern and magnitude, we’re thinking the next earthquake may generate enough Facebook statuses and tweets to knock out Ellen DeGeneres’s Oscar selfie.”

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About neilprotacio

Freelance journalist who just so happens to know what goes well with certain breads.
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One Response to FICTION: 5.1 Earthquake Kicks Los Angelenos’ Asses

  1. Nat says:

    “PCC students at a bar nearby, contacting family members.” More like slamming down beers while the world rocks.

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